The Child God Sent Us
"For I know the plans that I have for you", says the Lord Jeremiah 29:11
My husband and I struggled with infertility. After experiencing two ectopic pregnancies, it was necessary for me to have one of my fallopian tubes removed. This dramatically decreased our chances of even getting pregnant again. We discussed fertility treatments, but we could only afford one round of treatment. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle it if we went through all of that and didn’t have a happy ending, which was a real possibility. Adoption is very expensive, and realistically also was not a viable solution.
All the while, people close to me were getting pregnant and having babies under less-than-ideal circumstances. It appeared every time I watched the news, there was yet another report of child abuse. The times I would need to see the Ob/Gyn were even more difficult; having to sit in the waiting area with the expectant mothers was soul crushing. I couldn’t even be happy for my own sister when she became pregnant!
I became so angry at God. WHY NOT US?? We had a good marriage. We had a home. We belonged to a church and tithed faithfully. We were doing everything the right way, but we couldn’t create a family. It was a very dark time in my relationship with God. I lost faith and trust in Him. I was bitter, angry, and heartbroken.
I literally looked my husband in the eyes and sarcastically said, “Well, unless someone just hands us a baby, we aren’t going to be parents. It will just be you, me and Henry, our dog. We can travel the world and live happily ever after. Kid free.” I just gave up on my dream of motherhood.
A few short months later, I received a call from my best childhood friend at 7am on a Saturday. In a sleepy haze I answered the phone. The next words spoken changed my life. She said to me,
“I’m pregnant and I can’t keep it. Do you want it?”
Looking back, I can now see all the circumstances that had to happen in my friend’s life and my life to put us on God’s course to be able to both say Yes to the solutions He had for our lives and how they would intersect in a single life-changing moment.
I am amazed at God’s love and care. The whole time I was yelling and screaming about the unfairness of life, His plan for our family was unfolding. How foolish I felt for not trusting that my Father in Heaven had the most amazing plan for the creation of our family. If He had not allowed me to face infertility head on emotionally, physically, and mentally, I would never have evolved spiritually to be able to be an encouragement and a support resource for women facing infertility.
My daughter is an 11-year-old spitfire. I can’t even begin to imagine what is in store for my daughter and how her adoption story will change lives. His plan is always perfect, and way better than we can begin to imagine. Since the day I watched my daughter be born and handed into my arms, I have not lost trust or faith in Him again. No matter the circumstance, I know He has only the best plans for me and my family!!